So, two days after renewing this domain, I have come to a decision: I am going to stop blogging here.

I feel like I want to say “it was a difficult decision,” and while it wasn’t necessarily easy, it feels right. I really loved writing here, but its time has passed.

I’m going to keep the site up for a while, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s comforting to have around. However, I am now blogging, terrifyingly, under my full name at samanthagarner.ca. That blog will be different, slightly less personal but not sterile. It’ll still be me. And it shouldn’t be all like the sort of abstract nonsense that’s up there now. That’s just me testing the waters.

I hope you’ll all join me there, though I understand if some no longer find the new blog to their taste. I want to say once again how sincerely I’ve enjoyed “meeting” all of you, and reading your comments and sharing thoughts. You guys made the past few years so much fun.

See you soon!

Inspired by Outi. These ratty magical things are seven years old (I think) and were worn very often through all kinds of weather. Merciless exposure to snow, mud and puddles have given them a strange purple-grey colouring. They used to be black. They are finally too broken to wear on any but the driest, sunniest days, but I think I will sneak them out during the rain anyway.

When I signed up for a Tumblr account again, I knew something was wrong.

Now, I know there are a lot of people using Tumblr well as their main website/blogging platform (I read a few of them). But, I’ve flounced off Tumblr twice now because I was sick of it in general. To me it seemed to shrink the attention span, to prioritize reblogging pictures over producing meaningful content. There is definitely a time and a place for pictures, but it really got under my skin, the general ethos of Tumblr. So when I found myself registering again and happily fiddling with CSS settings, I had to stop and take a good long look at myself. Not literally, don’t worry.

I’ve been writing this blog for nearly four years now. I remember the day I started it. I didn’t have my name on it. I don’t think I even told anyone. I wrote entries like this and like this. No pictures. No recaps of my day. And it was very exciting to me. At the time, I had another blog which I was much more upfront in. I found I liked the pared-down Clock & Bell better, writing about moments and describing things around me instead of making myself the focus. And lately I’ve been thinking the same.

This blog has most definitely evolved since 2008. Slowly, I found myself opening up more, revealing my life more, even clearing the final hurdle of the internet-privacy-wary: putting up pictures of myself. And for a while it was great. I love blogs that do that, that find the balance between the personal and the arms-length. But over the past few weeks, I haven’t been feeling it. I couldn’t tell you why. I just grow frustrated by everything, even that I have pictures in every entry now, even though I love photography. I find myself struggling for things to write about. I am a writer, but that isn’t displayed here to my liking. But if I go back to the way I used to write, will I disillusion the readers I have, whose comments and general presence I really enjoy? I’m no blog superstar – and I would vomit a million times if I ever became one – but writing things you guys like to read is so important to me.

I’ve thought of razing the whole thing to the ground and starting from scratch, but why? Why do I feel the need to jettison the past? And besides, this isn’t 1998. I can no longer put up an “I’m on hiatus!” message on my website’s index page or expect people to follow me to yet another place online.

I’m not writing this to solicit praise or to say I’m quitting. I suppose I just wanted to admit I don’t have a bloody clue what I’m doing anymore and that I can’t possibly be alone in feeling this way about blogging, can I?