When I first moved to Calgary, my closest friends (Andrea, Carly, Suzen and my then-boyfriend Andy) and I used to spend a lot of time at Denny’s. Not the most glamorous location, but it was cheap, we didn’t really like bars and the Denny’s staff didn’t care if you ordered coffee after coffee all night. Plus, back then I could eat cheese fries with extra ranch sauce on the regular and not feel (or see) any ill-effects.
One night at Denny’s, Andrea started telling me about this movie she remembered from junior high.
“It was about a caveman that they found in Encino, and they thawed him out and his friends tried to make him a normal guy. Pauly Shore was in it . . . what was it called?”
“Encino Man,” I said.
“No, no, that’s not it.”
“Yes it is!”
“Oh I remember – California Caveman!”
“California Caveman?! No! It’s Encino Man! You said the word ‘Encino’ yourself!”
“No, I remember it clearly. It’s California Caveman.”
We went back and forth like this for a while, me becoming more and more enraged, until she smiled at me and I realized she was having me on. Then, it became the most hilarious joke in the world.
I don’t remember how, but we started playing that game with popular books. Someone had a paper and pen and we wrote them all down. It was the best night ever. Yesterday, Andrea found that list after all these years and emailed it to me. I’m sure part of its funniness is not realizing it’s a joke, but still. Here are some of my favourites from Our Favourite Books:
Killer Clown From Underground, by Stephen King
Dude, Where’s My Whale?, by Herman Melville
Oops, I’m a Cockroach, by Franz Kafka
Rotten Denmark, by Shakespeare
Who Wants to Marry Mr. Darcy?, by Jane Austen
Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just a Rat in a Cage, by Sylvia Plath
Don’t Stop the Rock, by Albert Camus
Get Your Freak On, by Mary Shelley
Morning Sickness, by Jean-Paul Sartre
Twisted Oliver: A Story of Madness, by Charles Dickens
Some Shit Happened, by David Eggers
The Unbearable Rightness of My Opinions, by Milan Kundera.
Oh, Sod It, by J. R. R. Tolkien
Hot Enough For Ya?, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
This Song Makes Me Want to Kill My Parents, by Francesca Lia Block
4 Comments
YES! These high doses of cleverness are what I’ve been missing. Also, you have helped me realize that there is a shameful absence of Earl Grey tea in my stash. Also, your pictures are still aces. <3
Thank you! However, I can’t take credit for even most of the book titles. I think two or three may have been mine, but I wasn’t really on my game that night!
That is so cool! I love finding old lists. I found one once of dream jobs my friend and I had made up while in English Lit class. The only one I remember is “Vancouver Canucks Towel Girl” lol The other thing I remember doing is changing words from musicals. I had started writing “High Fly on the Door”, from Evita. Almost had the whole song written at one point lol. Came from Antonio Banderas’ accent when singing that song on the movie soundtrack.
And I loved Killer Clown From Underground! Best book ever!! …one of anyways…but then I think all the best books ever are by Stephen King :) (Or reviewed as being awesome by him lol)
Old lists are so great – and so is changing words from musicals! That takes talent!
I’ve only ever seen the Killer Clown from Underground movie, but I remember liking it. Maybe I should read the book!